I remember when...

 The most treasured heirlooms are the memories of family. 

Sometimes it takes one small thing to bring back a thousand memories. Yesterday it was the smell of blooming sage. As I was hiking the foothills I plucked a sprig and brought it to my nose and suddenly, almost magically, my most happy childhood memories were there at the forefront of my mind. 

 

The months we spent as a family up at our cabin in the Sawtooths were our happiest moments. I can feel the rocks beneath my shoes, the scratch of the sagebrush against my shins, feel my moms hand in mine, smell my dads aftershave from somewhere ahead of me, hear my sisters walking and laughing beside me. 

The best part of reliving these memories is knowing that I’m not forgetting. Because forgetting them is the one thing I’m most afraid of. I know I have said that before, and I know I will say it again.

 Knowing that the next time I walk among blooming sagebrush, I walk with them... well that’s the least lonely I have felt in a very long time. They may be gone, but definitely not forgotten.

Random Musings of an Unfocused Mind.

All day I have felt the need to write. Felt the need to release something... I feel like I have an incredible amount of unfocused energy in my body and it isn't doing anything positive. In fact, I think about it, get overwhelmed and then shut down completely and get pretty down on myself.

Happy Monday and 5 Good Things

Its been a little while since I did a Happy Monday post, what the hell, right? 

Bryce Canyon National Park

It's very strange to say you feel rooted to an area you've never lived. But for me, its the truth.

Central Park

I realize that I am jumping all over the place. I have a lot I want to document, and there is a lot of sorting and organizing of the UK trip photos that still needs to be done. Instead of putting this on hold, I am going to forge a head and finish one of the other dozen posts I have planned. Too many travel photos to go through... Very much a first world problem, right? So, forging ahead!

The UK- London Calling

The flight from JFK to London was a red eye, so we all attempted to sleep and failed spectacularly. I spent my time watching a few movies and reading "Rising Strong" by Brene Brown. The quote above is a photo I took while reading on the plane. Some pretty meaningful stuff.


We were due to land around 8 or 9 in the morning, so we were just starting to fly over some western islands just as first light was appearing. You could barely make out the little slivers of land below. Eerily beautiful.

I distinctly remember the exact moment I started to recognize that we were actually flying over and about to land in London. England. Its a huge deal, especially for someone who has barely traveled outside the western half of her own country. London was something I had only dreamed about. The shot below is the Thames and reminds me a lot of The Eastenders. A British soap opera my mom used to religiously watch.

 As we were starting our descent I'm looking out the window at nondescript greenery and little towns with my headphones in, completely zoned out. I came to attention as Step Out from the Walter Mitty soundtrack came on. Anyone that knows me understands the great meaning that movie and its music holds for me. I'm listening to the words and I realize that the river I'm looking at is the Thames... the music crescendos and then I saw the Tower Bridge. Then The London Eye. Then Big Ben and Parliament. 

I nearly cried you guys. It was kind of this defining moment in my journey where things came together to create the most beautiful chain of moments. And strangely, with the addition of the song, I knew my mom was there with me. Not at all in the capacity I wanted her to be there... but it did bring me some measure of comfort. 

We landed and made our way quite easily through customs and baggage claim, picked up our rental car and then somehow, by all that is good in the universe, we drove about 60 miles to our AirBnB. I don't think I will ever get used to being on the other side of the road... and I don;t think there will ever be enough anxiety medication for me to be a comfortable navigator/passenger. It was a little rough, but we made it!!

We were staying about 10 miles south of the heart of London in a little area called Hither Green. Adorable little area in my opinion. Picturesque little town pub called The Station is very near the train station. Its the kind of architecture you think is only in books and movies... but its everywhere.

Our house was about half a mile from the train station so traveling to and from London was super easy. The home we stayed at was at the end of a row of brownstone townhouses with adorable gardens. Ours had a sunroom that was super comfortable to drink coffee and eat breakfast in, even in January. The host was the most gracious woman named Susan. We emailed back and forth and she was very happy to answer all of our touristy questions. When we return to London, we will most definitely try to get this place again. You can see more photos of this place HERE

The day wasn't over yet!!  We unpacked and grabbed real fish and chips with curry sauce from a kind of sketchy looking little shop with the most adorable little old man. I was a little nervous ordering, but as I watched him prepare our food from scratch, and then tasted it... I was sold. Don't judge a book by its cover. To this day, I still dream about that curry sauce.

We then walked down to the station and hopped on a train to spend the last few hours of daylight wandering around London a bit.

 

I don't remember why I was scowling, but it isn't an accurate representation of how I felt... I was ecstatic. Its also a bit overwhelming. You get off of the train station and are surrounded by about 30 things you want to see and do all within a mile radius. We really were just trying to get a feel for the city, get our bearings a bit. 

 

 The City is full of history, with little monuments and artistic elements built throughout is long, rich history.  I believe that these City of London dragons with shields were added throughout the city in 1994. You will find touches like that everywhere... Roses added to park benches for one of the many Queens Jubilee, stamps into the sidewalk, symbols on light posts... Its proof that there is a lot of people who deeply care about their city, and have for as long as its been a city.

Iconic sign for the London Underground. Right after taking this photo, we actually ran into someone from Boise proving that after all, the world can still be a very small place.

Dinner was at The Walrus and The Carpenter Named after Lewis Carroll. Meat pies and local brews for all!! We then ended up wandering towards the Tower of London, (which was closed by the time we got there) and the Tower Bridge. Its everything you imagine and more.

As we crossed the bridge to get to our train station, we stopped and took a few London cityscape shots... and then just stood for a while and took it all in. Such a beautiful, special place for me.

The BIG Trip- New York

I knew quite a long time ago that on the anniversary of my moms death, I wanted to do something big every year. I wanted to spend the day celebrating her, and her memory, and experiencing something new and exciting that she never got to do. 

To see the world...

2016 has been quite a year... A lot of travel, a lot of work, a lot of love and heart ache and finding a new normal that works for us. And before it ends really wanted to start documenting my travels, mostly for my own benefit. You know, before they all become a blur.

Happy Monday and Ten Good Things

Its a MONDAY!!

As I write, I'm stage managing an opera, in an airplane hangar. Bringing together people from all over the country to tell a story. Combining creative efforts to turn an hangar into an acceptable performance venue. Its quite the process, and its been powerful to watch it all come together to be able to tell an incredibly moving story.
 

Speaking of writing, I find that I have an ever evolving relationship with it. Depends heavily upon the state of my mind. I write what is on my mind and heart, and sometimes facing that is a lot easier said than done. I can't promise consistency. But I can say I've missed this little space. 

So, ten good things about the last several months since I showed my face around here...

1. A few more months of mountain living happened. Backpacking, trips to the lake, breathtaking sunsets and day hikes until the first snow fell. I feel like we milked every last second we had up there.

 






2. Mental health trip to Salt Lake, Vegas and Zions- Took a little time for myself and visited family in friends and family in Salt Lake. A few weeks later brought me to Vegas to spend some time with friends, and then a few days camping and hiking in Zions.










3. Thanksgiving Break in Portland- Matt and I met our sister/friend Katie in Portland and explored, read, ate and drank our way through the town while planning our future trip to the UK.





4. Christmas- This one was hard. We lost my grandma the week prior, so celebrating was really, really hard. The tree was up, but it didn't ever get decorated. But we made due. 



5. New Years in Seattle- I joined some friends for a week and rang in the new year on a boat on the Puget Sound watching fireworks being set off from the Space Needle. Amazing.







6. UK trip- This deserves its own series of posts, and I will get there. Promise :0)


7. Reno! I make the trip not for the city itself, but to visit some very dear to me friends. When you've experienced a lot of loss, you close your heart. I have a few I still let in, and they know how special they are to me. Unfortunately, most of them live elsewhere in the country.



8. Winter Escape- We found ourselves in the Sawtooths for a weekend this March and it was exactly what we needed.




9. Learning our new family Normal- With the death of my grandma, Matt and I became guardians of my aunt. She lives with us permanently and it has definitly changed our family dynamic. We have had to redefine what our "normal" is. More on that later as well



 

10. Feeling the BERN! What a crazy year it has been politically and it is only April. We are proud to support Bernie Sanders and were able to attend a rally and hear him speak, then participate in Idahos record shattering democratic caucus. What an experience!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T Nature

Nature is brilliant. Being in and around mountains, rivers, trees and trails is what saved my life this past year. Nature is there when I need it, doesn't judge, envelops me with its beauty and makes me feel strong. When my soul felt the most diminished it ever has, it took a 18 mile hike into the mountains all by myself to make me feel alive again. That feeling of accomplishment, the adrenaline rush of reaching a destination or the summit of a mountain and seeing views with your own eyes that many will only view on a computer screen is a rush. It's addicting. When you have been hiking or mountaineering for much of your life, I think one starts to take certain aspects of nature for granted. It is so is big and beautiful and free that we forget how dangerous it can really be.

 Nature is also scary. Not scary enough to keep me out of it, but enough to instill a deep respect for the forces of nature. They have the ability to be so much stronger than we can imagine. I've been through some pretty intense storms complete with falling trees, crazy fast wind and lightning while on the trail or camping, but I have never experienced and real natural disasters like hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes and avalanches. Out of all of these, its avalanches that make me nervous the most. Similar to earthquakes they are completely unpredictable. I have few good friends are big into back country skiing and guide snowmobiles in avalanche prone areas, so I have had to teach myself to let go some of the anxieties I had in regards to their safety in the situation, and learn to trust their abilities. They're aware of what they are getting themselves into, know what to look for in dangerous situations, and understand that accidents can happen to even the best of them. It's the people that think they are invincible that I worry about the most. Their stupidity could easily get the people I care about into trouble, and that makes me angry. Like "mama bear" angry. It isn't a pretty sight.

I just happened to be halfway through Into Thin Air, the book by Jon Krakauer about his experience on Everest that ended with 11 people dying on the mountain when I heard about the most recent earthquake and resulting avalanche that swept through base camp. Its unbelievably sad to think of how many lives have been lost. From base camp to further down in Nepal the death toll is a staggering estimated 5000 people, and it continues to rise every day. It is important to remember that nature is in charge. We have no control over it, and the human race doesn't handle lack of control well. Perhaps that is why nature feels the need to put us in our place now and again.

I can safely say that I have no aspirations to climb Everest. I never really did as there are plenty of mountains out there to fulfill my need for adventure. What Jons story, and the recent tragedy did teach me was whatever situation you are going into, prepare yourself for anything, carry a healthy dose of caution, and great amount of respect for your surroundings and the forces of nature. Be careful to not take it for granted and never mistake silence to weakness. Take what it freely gives you with love and respect, and it can be a beautiful relationship. In a war of wills however, nature will, in one way or another, always win.