I remember when...

 The most treasured heirlooms are the memories of family. 

Sometimes it takes one small thing to bring back a thousand memories. Yesterday it was the smell of blooming sage. As I was hiking the foothills I plucked a sprig and brought it to my nose and suddenly, almost magically, my most happy childhood memories were there at the forefront of my mind. 

 

The months we spent as a family up at our cabin in the Sawtooths were our happiest moments. I can feel the rocks beneath my shoes, the scratch of the sagebrush against my shins, feel my moms hand in mine, smell my dads aftershave from somewhere ahead of me, hear my sisters walking and laughing beside me. 

The best part of reliving these memories is knowing that I’m not forgetting. Because forgetting them is the one thing I’m most afraid of. I know I have said that before, and I know I will say it again.

 Knowing that the next time I walk among blooming sagebrush, I walk with them... well that’s the least lonely I have felt in a very long time. They may be gone, but definitely not forgotten.

January 19

January 19th is kind of a dirty word in my home. I try my best to block out my experiences that day, but its kind of a fruitless effort. Its the day I watched my mom take her last breath. Its the day that CPR became a real thing. Its the day I heard the EMT say, "we've got her back" only to jump in the car, get to the hospital and be told that she didn't make it. She was done. Her body was tired, but my heart hurt... my best friend just left me. I remember walking out and standing outside the automatic doors at the entrance of the Emergency Room and I just couldn't breathe. I couldn't catch my breathe. I didn't cry then. I didn't cry for almost a year. I got to business breaking the news to everyone. Those are cries and wails you never forget. The hurt was so fresh because we'd suddenly lost our sister Chante just weeks before. We didn't have time to grieve one before being shocked by another.

Happy Monday and 5 Happy Things

Its another beautiful Monday!! Ready for 5 Happy Things?

 

Happy Monday and Ten Good Things

Its a MONDAY!!

As I write, I'm stage managing an opera, in an airplane hangar. Bringing together people from all over the country to tell a story. Combining creative efforts to turn an hangar into an acceptable performance venue. Its quite the process, and its been powerful to watch it all come together to be able to tell an incredibly moving story.
 

Speaking of writing, I find that I have an ever evolving relationship with it. Depends heavily upon the state of my mind. I write what is on my mind and heart, and sometimes facing that is a lot easier said than done. I can't promise consistency. But I can say I've missed this little space. 

So, ten good things about the last several months since I showed my face around here...

1. A few more months of mountain living happened. Backpacking, trips to the lake, breathtaking sunsets and day hikes until the first snow fell. I feel like we milked every last second we had up there.

 






2. Mental health trip to Salt Lake, Vegas and Zions- Took a little time for myself and visited family in friends and family in Salt Lake. A few weeks later brought me to Vegas to spend some time with friends, and then a few days camping and hiking in Zions.










3. Thanksgiving Break in Portland- Matt and I met our sister/friend Katie in Portland and explored, read, ate and drank our way through the town while planning our future trip to the UK.





4. Christmas- This one was hard. We lost my grandma the week prior, so celebrating was really, really hard. The tree was up, but it didn't ever get decorated. But we made due. 



5. New Years in Seattle- I joined some friends for a week and rang in the new year on a boat on the Puget Sound watching fireworks being set off from the Space Needle. Amazing.







6. UK trip- This deserves its own series of posts, and I will get there. Promise :0)


7. Reno! I make the trip not for the city itself, but to visit some very dear to me friends. When you've experienced a lot of loss, you close your heart. I have a few I still let in, and they know how special they are to me. Unfortunately, most of them live elsewhere in the country.



8. Winter Escape- We found ourselves in the Sawtooths for a weekend this March and it was exactly what we needed.




9. Learning our new family Normal- With the death of my grandma, Matt and I became guardians of my aunt. She lives with us permanently and it has definitly changed our family dynamic. We have had to redefine what our "normal" is. More on that later as well



 

10. Feeling the BERN! What a crazy year it has been politically and it is only April. We are proud to support Bernie Sanders and were able to attend a rally and hear him speak, then participate in Idahos record shattering democratic caucus. What an experience!

Happy Monday and 5 Good Things

I know it isn't Monday but lets just say it's close enough. There is no way I will remember or have time to get this up tomorrow. These last few weeks have been a literal roller coaster. So much going on with that I have very little control over. I've been all sorts of proactive (hah!) about the situation and just held on for dear life. I'm kind of excited about not really knowing where life is leading in the next few months. 

That being said... Happy Sunday night/Monday morning. I have a lot to be grateful for and feel its only right to articulate those good spots in my life right this moment.

I have foxes living in my front yard. I don't care if I've said this before, its still freaking cool. This video is terrible, but watch it on your phone, it won't be so grainy. I never get to see these little adolescent babies because of my work schedule. My one day off this week i happened to come back from a hike just in time to catch these guys in a bout of rough housing. Cutest thing I'd seen all day! 

I made a couple really fast trips to Boise to work load in and load out of Book of Mormon the musical. It was a lot of work, a lot of hours and SO worth every hour of sleep I didn't get. I've lost quite a few friends over the last year for one reason or another, but these four have hung on. They've seen me cry, and made me laugh and love me still. I haven't seen Sean in about 2 years (thankfully he works and travels with the show) so to have a few minutes to spend real quality time together after the year we have both been through was awesome. The universe knew I needed a Hammy hug.  I don't have a lot of faith in friends, but I have faith in him :0)

 After load out I got to see my Lindsey for a few short moments right as she got off the plane in LA before I left for Smiley Creek. I told you this trip was worth it! She is my little sister from another mister and more importantly, she has faith in me. She carries me far more than I carry her. I don't know what I would do without her. 

Ive snuck away a few evenings and gone on a few hikes. There are times I am still in awe of what my body is capable of.  A year ago trail running wasn't even in my vocabulary... not its my favorite, even when I biff it and bruise the crap out of my legs. (no ma'am, I don't need to talk to someone about being abused, I did a 9 truck load out then tripped over my feet while hurling myself down a mountian. But thanks for the concern) Here are a few shots of my adventures.

I finally got Jerrad out in the kayak!! Never thought it would happen. We enjoyed a beautifully quiet Saturday morning on Pettit Lake before work. It was also good to spend some one on one time with my friend. We work with each other everyday, but haven't actually talked about anything real. It was nice to enjoy each others company and undivided attention. 

Happy Monday and 5 good things

Y'all thought I forgot about it didn't you! Ha! I am full of surprises. I am also biding time waiting to go to work and have been up since well, I am not sure I ever went to sleep to be honest. We had a log-sawer move in a few days ago. For the record, super nice guy... but I am trying real hard to come up with a way to not hear the snoring but also let myself sleep without taking nyquil. Le sigh... I feel like this is a first world problem, but whatever. I think we should talk about 5 good things that occurred this last week.

Currently... the sequel

  I wish I found myself with more time to write. But I don't, and I don't for see that changing a whole lot so I will do my best with the limited time I have. In the meantime you'll probably see a lot of filler posts like this. If ya don't like it... don't read it!

 

Sunrise... Sunset

There are no words to describe some of the gorgeous sunrises and sunset we get to see, So I will just leave these here :0)

First 10 miles down!

Guess who was finally able to go out for a hike?? I know I have done Hellroaring Lake a hundred times, but I still love it. There's something about those peaks that draws me to them. I didn't get to stay at the lake long because of weather. At one point on the return trip I turned around to see a wall of rain thick enough to obscure the view of the mountains heading right for me. Fortunately I didn't get too wet. Here are a few shots!

 Hamlet joined me on this adventure. He still isn't quite sure about this adventuring outside of Denmark business.

What a week!

Bang, all of the sudden its been a week since I last posted. What?!? How did that happen... It is all wibbly wobbly timey wimey, I tell you. What has happened this week? Lets refer to iphone camera roll because honestly, besides lots of work, I have NO idea. 

I went home for a doctors appointment and saw Matt and the puppies for about 5 minutes. Just long enough to feel guilty about leaving again. Seriously, look at those faces!!

I few days later I was missing them so I ran away by myself and played in the park on the swings. Is this park for real?? Check out this view!!

We have had SOO much rain up here. I shouldn't complain since chances are good we will be praying for rain in a few months, but it has made it pretty difficult to go play! What it has done though, is make for some pretty incredible mountain shots and sunset photos. 

do you see the sneaky second rainbow??

I do other things besides take pictures of sunsets, I promise. We have had a few game nights playing cards against humanity, watched a few movies and gone to dinner in Stanley and at Redfish Lake Lodge. I'm just terrible at taking pictures because my phone doesn't get service and is basically a brick, so it stays in my bag. I did go on a hike, but I intend on posting about that later. Here's to the weekend!!