You had been at the forefront of my mind for a few weeks, and all of the sudden I looked at the calendar and realized your birthday was nearly here. It still seems impossible that you are gone. I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that I will never again see your smile, hear your voice, and feel your arms around me in a hug. And you know what... it still sucks. A lot.
I just happened to be reading yesterday and this particular quote really resonated with me. "The holes in your life are permanent. You have to grow around
them, like tree roots around concrete; you mold yourself through the
gaps.” That is what you are my dear, a big Chante sized hole in my life. I'm learning to grow around it, learning to live with it whether I like it or not because it is always going to be part of who I am.
The truth is there are days I still just want to be sad. And days I just want to be angry and selfish about the whole situation. But sadness gets boring after a while... and I know being in that state of mind constantly would do nothing but disappoint you. So, instead of focusing on the sadness and anger I feel, I am going to do my best to find something beautiful that day. Try to see something good in that day that I wouldn't have ordinarily noticed. Just for you my sister. I miss you more than you could ever know. Love you sweet girl!!
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