Looking back.

Happy 2018

 I'm not going to state any "new year new me" bullshit or make any grand statements for what the this year might bring. Really, January 1st was just another day. I'm generally pretty against looking backwards... But, 2017 was a year I don't really want to forget for various reasons. It was a weird one. I saw myself coming together right before I was torn apart. I had lots of highs, as well and some pretty scary lows. Instead of doing a month by month, I'm just going to post some photos in chronological order with a few blurbs here and there, mostly for my own record. And mostly to remind me that even though I endured some really sad, fucked up bullshit both personally and professionally and lets be super honest here and say POLITICALLY...
This was another year that I survived.
2017 did NOT beat me, because I didn't get through it alone.

We did a fair bit of snowshoeing early in the year thanks to the most magnificent "snomageddon" between Christmas and New Years. The pictures above are from a weekend trip to Garden Valley that included the most glorious Terrace Lakes Resort hot springs pool. Swimming after dark in a warm pool while its snowing is magical.

January was terrifying politically for anyone who gives a crap about humanity. On January 19, 2017 at 5:30 p.m. in each time zone across the country, members of the theater community - from Broadway to regional theaters to high schools and colleges and community theaters-- all came together to launch The Ghostlight Project.

It really warmed my heart to know that thousands upon thousands of people within my industry were standing up to the bullshit being flung at us by this new "administration" and creating a safe and brave space for us to continue to learn, grow, and thrive. 

If I wasn't feeling empowered enough by my industry, two days later I participated in a very wet and snowy Womens March for Idaho, which was part of the much greater Women's March that banded together "people of all backgrounds--women and men and gender nonconforming people, young and old, of diverse faiths, differently abled, immigrants and indigenous--came together, 5 million strong, on all seven continents of the world."

Boise had between 4 and 5 thousand marchers. We even had a group of 30 participants in Stanley, ID in the middle of winter. THAT IS HUGE. I live in a state that is grossly republican. To walk with that many people willing to brave the elements in the name of tolerance, equality and love for their fellow humans... well, it makes me a little emotional to think about almost a year later. I am so glad I got to march with some really amazing friends that day. Even if Katie looks miserable in the photo that Erica captured above. Thank you ladies for being a part of that memory.

The Women's March as a whole became the largest coordinated protest in the history of our country, and one of the largest in the world. I am beyond proud to have been a part of it.

In March we spent some time in the LA area with my soul sister Lindsey. Its rough having most of your best friends live in different corners of the country, but it also means we get to travel more! We got so incredibly lucky this trip. We stayed at Lindseys house, which was its own adventure in survival against monsters... During the week we were there We did so many neat things and saw so many people we love and are loved by... I'm talking about you guys, Cara and Cara!!! Somehow we managed to get free entry into both Universal Studios (Harry Potter World... WHAT!) and Disneyland, where we spent our 11th wedding anniversary. Remember when I said I loved my industry? There are theater people everywhere and we take care of our own. Those days in those parks were pretty epic.

To even things out, we also went hiking with a friend and her beautiful family to some waterfalls that are usually bone dry (yay record breaking snow pack), went to the Griffith Observatory, saw our friend Doug when we attended Fun Home The Musical, spent a day in Joshua Tree National Park and explored Solvang.... and drank SO. MUCH. BEER. That trip goes down in the books as one of my favorite!

The spring brought lots of hiking and working on camera skills. It took forever for snow to melt, so we did a lot of adventuring south of our area and I did some solo hikes in the foothills and the Owyhee Mountains, hiked with friends to some snowy waterfalls in Utah as well and a quick solo camping trip to the Sawtooths after working in Sun Valley. I've come to realize that I really need to force myself to hike, especially in areas that don't excite me (foothills, deserts... blah), I am such a high mountain snob but they were socked in with snow until mid July in some areas... Hiking has become the best way to combat my depression and anxiety.

End of May took us to Colorado. The three of us first spent the weekend in Estes Park and Rocky Mountain National Park, half of which was closed because of snow. We hiked on snow around Bluebird Lake, which was a hilarious adventure that I don't think Laurie will ever forgive us for (but she did it!!) We watched a particular elk prance among a rather boring herd. I named her Lola the showgirl and she wants you to respect her life choices. We also went to the Stanley Hotel before heading to Denver and then Colorado Springs. My rad brother in law retired from the Air Force. It was quite a special experience to be a part of that. He is one of my most favorite people in the world. We ended the trip by seeing a MOOSE! If you know me, you know how I really feel about that.

Here is where I gab a bit about my professional life. Its been a monumental year professionally but it was far from easy. I've pushed and pushed and pushed nearly to the brink of losing my job for better pay, workers rights, structured departments and a consistent set of rules. I have stopped associating with people not interested in growth because in the end, I just ended up doing most of their work for them, for the same pay. I have worked really hard to increase my knowledge base and skill set by doing things like going in on my own time to teach myself more advanced programming. I am finally starting to feel like I'm confident enough to hold my title as the Master Electrician at my home theater.

This summer we did 2 weeks of Phantom of the Opera. I got to assist with pyro which was both new and awesome. You can see me working on the chandelier in some of the above photos. After that closed we dug in deep into both the rigging and electrical worlds. We finished upgrading our fly system and a whole bunch of electrical drops from our grid which. I've done a fair bit of work on the fly system, but the electrical was a whole new world of re-wiring dimmers and making socopex heads. Yay new skills! I am also ridiculously proud to report that we had our fly system inspected after we did all of the work in house, and we passed with flying colors. Apparently that is a rarity which just proves how awesome my team is. Also of note, all the electrical works.My fellow department head, and all around badass bestie Katie MF Valentine and I did NOT blow anything up or light anything on fire. Bitch 1 and Bitch 2 win again.

Matt and I took Laurie to Yellowstone, then spent some time in Canada before heading to California with Rick and Fayanna. I love traveling with them because they're a lot like me. The purpose of the trip isn't all about the destination, we enjoy the journey.  We stopped in Reno and Truckee in order to spend some time with another of my favorite humans, Liz. From there we dropped Rick and Fayanna off with family while Matt and I went to Yosemite, Sequoia and Kings Canyon.

We had been in Yosemite just briefly when my world fell apart. We had just arrived at Happy Isles (the irony of this name does not escape me) when I received a call that my dad had very unexpectedly died. Honestly my first thought was something along the lines of "what the fuck?!" At 34 I all of the sudden became the oldest person in my immediate family. That carries a lot of weight. I won't go into details other than to say it was terrible. We had to call my sisters for the 4th time in under 4 years to tell them that unexpectedly losing a sister, mother and grandmother wasn't enough, that everything we had already endured wasn't enough... Now we need to bury dad. We were able to pass a lot of planning on to extended family on my dads side in Idaho and honestly thats the biggest reason I survived the ordeal.

My soul sister Lindsey answered the "I need you" call and met us several hours north of her home in LA to come hold me together and wander through the biggest trees in the world. She will never really know how much that gesture of kindness meant to me, and how I don't think I will ever be able to repay it other than to love her forever.

We picked up my sister Makayla and her boyfriend Ryan in Oregon the day before the funeral. We have been through so much the last few years. All this loss has been so hard on us and we all handle it differently. I am so proud of how for she has come, and the person she is. She has fought so hard to be where she is. She is so much stronger than me... The silver lining was that Makayla and I really reconnected because of this, thankfully, because I don't know what I would do without her. The funeral and graveside services were small, and I was presented with his American flag which torn me apart.... again. (I didn't even roll my eyes when the soldier presenting it said Trumps name. 150 points to Revenclaw!!)

The last 1/3 of the year really was spent doing a lot of work. Rick, Matt, Fayanna and I rebuilt a Santa set for The Festival of Trees. A big holiday fundraiser that benefits a different section of Saint Als Hospital every year. This is I think the 12th year we have worked on this project in some way shape or form, but this years rebuild really was a labor of love. We donated hundreds of hours of work each and were finished painting as they were opening doors. Matt and I took the weekend after it opened off and snuck to Stanley for a night. It was only 24 hours but that soak in the hot springs and hike through the snow was a much needed break for my soul.

We wrapped the year by spending Christmas in Seattle. Our godson welcomed a new little boy into the family just days before the 25th. The whole family (that has seamlessly and selflessly absorbed us) came together for the first time in years. Ricks oldest Nick joined us from Southern California and got his first taste of winter driving conditions.

Little Leo joined Tony and Chanelles family along with his big brothers Atticus and Finn. These boys all have my heart. In addition to Christmas festivities we also spent a day in Seattle and met with Steve, whom I have known for 17 years and was very close with my family for some time, especially my mom, who referred to Steve as her son until she died. We reconnected shortly after the first 3 funerals, and he has been an ear to hear, shoulder to lean on ever since. We also got to hang out with another "sister" Lissa and her new fiance Robert. We have been through some shit together, and I love her WAY more than she realizes.

We ended our trip in Oregon with Makayla and Ryan, and met up with our adopted sister, Katie. She was absorbed into my family 11 years ago when she was a student at BSU and stuck in Boise for the holidays. Makayla even calls her a sister, which is good, because she is stuck with us whether she likes it or not. We watched a ton of movies and went hiking at Silver Falls State Park with Makayla. We left the PNW rather reluctantly with full hearts, (and noses... stupid cold causing moisture)

As I have been writing this, I am pretty sure I have cried more out of laughter or happiness even though we were dealt with a considerable loss. The people I saw on my various travels, the ones who made an effort to connect when and where we could, (even the ones without a photo like Lucy and Jen and Bob, I'm sorry, I don't have my shit together enough tonight to find your photos, just know your time and travels was everything)... They are the most dear to my heart.... they are the ones that kept me together every time I didn't think I could do it anymore. A lot of the time they never even knew how their actions affected me, but I will never forget.

They are my tribe, my rag tag family scattered across the country. And because of them, I made it. Again. Again. Again.

Thanks for not giving up on me guys.